Traditional street games for Belfast children

British bulldogs. Not very politically correct. Simply rename it “Wolfhounds Achieve Parity”. A line of children stands across the street, arms linked and kids of the enemy ethnicity run at them with weapons. BBC News film the event (and maybe even sponsor a few retakes when nobody’s looking).

Hopscotch. Draw squares on the ground with numbers in. Doesn’t matter about the rules, the game doesn’t last long anyway. Invite children from the other community to play by hopping from square to square. Forget to mention the landmine.

Skipping. It’s for wee girls and ‘unmarriageable’ types. Instead, use the rope to hang someone you suspect of having moderate tendencies.

Marbles. Use a hunting catapult with reinforced carbon-fibre combat arm brace. When you run out of marbles, lorry wheelnuts work just as well. Don’t forget to burn the lorry.

Pirie and whip. A nice traditional one this. You can easily say, I lost the pirie.

Football. Are you wise? Who do you think you are, Geordie Best?

Pin the tail on the informer. A bit tame but for added excitement use a grenade pin. Dispose of the grenade responsibly -over somebody’s hedge.

Trainspotting. Write down the numbers of any unfamiliar cars on your street. Take them to your local hard man. Don’t try negotiating a price. Don’t tell that joke about Black&Decker.

Apple scrumping. Serious crimes like this will be dealt with very severely by the local Neighbourhood Representation Committee…but where would you find a bloody tree anyway?

Baseball. Throw the ball and mitt away. The pitcher chucks a half brick at you and then you hit him with the bat until he agrees to stay away from your weapons cache / drug dealership / sister.